When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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