3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
