Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
