They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
