It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
