he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
