I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
we have officially lost it.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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