What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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