Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
