Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
