Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
