I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
