I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
