So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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