I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
