So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
