He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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