i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
