I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
