My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
