ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
