Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
