you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think my nap took me to another dimension
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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