Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Im part way to drunk.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
