you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
