"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
