The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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