Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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