We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
