Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
