Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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