Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
