Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
