So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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