I must be too annoying 4 u.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Come on in and take your pants off
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