my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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