Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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