I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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