Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
