It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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