Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I love having hate sex.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
