my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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