She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
