I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
