Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
