About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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