Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
