Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
