He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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