I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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